Out Like Mike Lamb

I was having my weekly conversation with my elderly mother, who is enduring a boring senescence in a retirement project in Maryland. She reports life as hum-drum at best. But when I mentioned that the baseball season was about to begin, I could hear her voice perk up measurably. "Oh, that's good!" she piped, and readied herself for a diet of Orioles, Nationals and Yankees to burst her monotony.

Like her, I am always brightened by the prospect of the new season, however disappointing the old one was. Since my last blog entry I've been studying up on all the players in preparation for another two-pronged Fantasy season, in person and on the Internet. Accordingly, this blog will not be about AIG, the stupid Republicans or Obama's disappointing put-down of the perfectly swell idea of legalizing pot. It will be my official projection for the MLB season. So, Terry and Alan, if you've been waiting, here it is.

It's a pity that the three best teams in baseball are all in the same division. No matter how I look at them, Tampa seems really loaded--young, mostly healthy pitching, and a great core of young hitters to which they added Pat Burrell, Matt Joyce and Gabe Kapler. A possible Achilles heel is their aging closers, which may leave them a step behind the Red Sox. I sorta hate the Red Sox, but also admire them as well, and their starting staff this year is fabulous. Clay Buchholz as the #6 pitcher and John Smoltz as #7, along with Papelbon and Saito in relief make them my favorites to go all the way. Some of the line-up is creaky and there's no Manny, but they have terrific gamers in Youkilis ZAnd especially Pedroia. As for the Yankees, they have uped their stock a bit, but there are too many post-30s oldsters on their line-up to propel them past their competition. Toronto has lost most of their staff to injuries and free agency, and Baltimore has one good winning streak in them but will be overwhelmed by the giants in the division.

In the Central time zone, it's always some team that rises from mediocrity in the best-balanced division. Last year the White Sox got the jump; I believe this year it will be the Indians, with Sizemore and Peralta both in their peaks, and Victor Martinez back from his injuries. Or it could be the usually competent Twins, with strong pitching, but an ailing Joe Mauer that could wreck them up the middle. The Tigers are like the Yankees but without a rotation, even if Verlander recovers from last year's disaster. And the Royals will be far from an embarassment, as Jacobs, Aviles, and Gordon could gel nicely, along with a competent pitching staff. They will make noise.

It's a bit trendy to pick Oakland over the Angels in the West, now that they've added Matt Holiday and Jason Giambi, but they also have pitching woes, especially with the talented but fragile Justin Duchscherer again on the DL wagon. The Angels still have the strongest line-up, though Mike Scoscia will have to bring along all his wounded hurlers along very carefully. The Rangers, as usual, will score a lot of runs with Kinsler, Hamilton, Blalock and wunderkind Chris Davis, but their best hurler is Vincent Padilla, and that is sad. In Seattle, the Mariners have, with Felix Hernandez, Eric Bedard and Brandon Morrow, the best pitching in the West, but a lamentable offense. Even Ichiro cannot go on forever.

As for the National League, the big question is will it ever win another All-Star Game? I find it ironic that for all the consecutive wins the American League has achieved, it still hasn't resulted in a seventh-game home advantage in the World Series. In fact, all the World Series, since 2002, have been incredibly dull. And that includes the weird WBC tournaments, the "real" world series.

There is a lot of potential for some upset divisio nwinners this year in that topsy-turvy league. For instance, the Braves, having sat out the play-offs for several years (thankfully silencing the "tomahawk chop" during October), could be rebuilding sufficiently to return to the post-season. With Javy Vazquez and Kenshin Kurakami they have forsaken the Mike Hampton school of overaged hurlers, and have revamped their line-up with young players. The Mets are always in the picture, having overcompensated for their relief woes from last year by buying two of the best AL closers from last season, FRod and Putz. They still have a strong offense and it's said that the new Citifield is a hitter's park. But who stands behind Johan Santana in their rotation? It's not pretty. Likewise, the Phils cannot get by forever with the likes of Jamie Moyer, who is approaching my Mom's age. They're a good team who lucked out last year because of the failings of others. Yeah, they won the World Series, but they wouldn't have made the post-season without the failure of the Mets' bullpen. Florida and Washington will be better this season, especially the Nationals with the maturing of their young outfielders, but there's not a lot of depth there. The Marlins are strong in pitching but if anything happens to Hanley Ramirez there's no sufficient punch.

The up-and-coming power in the Central this year is Cincinnati, with the improvement of their staff with Volquez and Cueto, and of their line-up with Joey Votto and Jay Bruce. It probably won't be good enough to beat the Cubs, who are still loaded. But if anything happens to Carlos Zambrano, it will be another sour ending for the Cubbie fans. And some of the mainstays, like Derek Lee and even Soriano, may start to show some age. The Cardinals will benefit from the reemergence of Chris Carpenter on their staff, but they are not very deep otherwise. There's definitely pop in the line-up with Pujols, Ludwick, and Ankiel and Duncan, but onless Wainwright and Wellemeyer can keep them in games, they will not fare well. There seems a definite drop to the other three teams. The Brewers have a few great hitters but lost Sabathia and Sheets so they will struggle. The less said about Houston and Pittsburgh, the better.

In the generally awful NL West, the only stand-out feature is the starting staff of the Giants, which rivals that of any of the AL East teams. With Lincecum, Cain, Sanchez and Randy Johnson, they will always be competitive. Their young hitters, though, like Sandoval, Burris and Ishikawa, may not provide enough offense to get them past Arizona and the Dodgers. Joe Torre's team, oddly, has a terrific line-up but a very shaky, un-Dodgerlike rotation. Manny Ramirez will continue to devour NL pitching and can drive in Furcal and Orlando Hudson all day. But unless youngsters Chad Billingsley and Clayton Kershaw can perform up to expectations--and they are very very green--the Giants could pull off an upset. But Arizona seems to have the best blalanced tsquad and can never be counted out; expect Conor Jackson, Stephen Drew, Chris Young and Justin Upton to contribute well, and if Max Scherzer does what is expected, they should end up on top. I don't see any hope for the Padres. They simply have to rebuild. Sorry.

Ergo my picks for this season: In the AL, Boston, Cleveland and the Angels, with Tampa as the wild card. In the NL, Atlanta, Chicago and Arizona, with the Mets as the wild card. I'm just glad that, unlike in the Rotisserie Leagues, I don't actually have to put any money on my predictions.

PAC-Men

So what was the ultimate achievement of last week's very weird sideshow in Washington held by the Conservative Political Action Committee? (answer below).

First of all, isn't the group's title itself a contradiction in terms? The only conservative political action is that of a collective group of supposed adults retreating to their high chairs and refusing to budge. The kneejerk rejectionism of Obama's ambitious but necessary stimulus plan makes the CPAC the epicenter of the Party of No. No taxes. No spending (unless for profligate warmongering and wasteful drug interdiction). And certainly No New Ideas.

For all this, the audience roared in approval when their spokesman Rush Limbaugh repeated proudly his desire that Obama fail. This while the banners declared gloriously "Country First." Lovely. Kind of reminds one of Charles Lindbergh's "America First" Fascist coalition of the 1930's. In that same era Will Rogers said he'd rather be right than President. Well, Rush Limbaugh is very very right, and very very wrong. But not to the lunatic fringe. These extremists represent the residual core of the Republican Party, the white hot inner nucleus of rage and fear that drives its engine of mindless propaganda.

Or, to extend the metaphor felicitously, they are like a sun that has gone supernova, collapsed upon itself and created a black hole, which sucks up all life and material, and from which no light can emerge.

What a sad display of extremist idiocy this confab was. It is to be expected, though, because historically the Republican Party has veered radically right after an electoral defeat. Think Goldwater, Reagan and Bush the Retard. After the moderates have been shouted down or subsumed into centrist Democratic areas, the radicals are now shouting out the glory of the message, whatever it is. Just like Bobby Jindal's lame rebuttal address to Obama's speech, they were full of empty bombast, repeating the same old economic themes that got us into the mess we are in. Einstein famously said that to repeat an action the same way and expect different results is the definition of insanity. QED.

There were some intriguing low lights, though, for entertainment's sake. The silliest was the attempt at Hip Hop coolness by the breathtakingly inane Minnesota congressperson Michelle Bachman, who last year told Chris Matthews that Democratic congressmen should be investigated for their anti-Americanism (and then denied the remark despite the video evidence). Today she was in a more charitable mood and twice saluted RNC Chairman Michael Steele with a "You be da man, you be da man." The nervous tittering that followed, along with Steele's clear embarrassment, spoke volumes. When Al Qaeda propagandists referred to Obama as America's "House Negro" they were unconvincingly grasping at straws. But Steele really is the Republican House Negro. Or, excuse me, he be the Republican House Colored Boy. Pass the fried chicken.

And of course, they also honored Joe the Plumber. He keeps on popping up out of the dark miasma, irrepressible, like Jason Voorhes on Friday the 13th.

It is early yet in the 2012 Presidential race, but I'm certain the CPACers have been heartened by the Dow Jones' continued fall while the stimulus works its way uncertainly through the economy. So the issue of their next candidate is high on the docket. Bobby Jindal stumbled out of the gate with his Gomer Pylish performance on Tuesday, and may not recover for a decade at least. He also looks too much like a wimp, a Republican Dennis Kucinich. Newt Gingrich has kept some of his dignity by staying out of the public eye, but has his own scandalous past. The most powerful Republican, Rush Limbaugh, will function best in his current perch and not have to deal with oxycontin revelations. Tom Delay was there seconding Rush's anti-Obama prattling, but had nothing to add. Mitch McConnell and John Boehner are nonentities.

But who avoided the sorry spectacle altogether, and did not have to address the gleeful press barrage of all their antics? One pretty Alaskan governor, that's who. It makes me gulp painfully to admit it, but the jaw-dropping lunacy of the spokespeople at the CPAC convention made Sarah Palin look positively distinguished. Staying away was the smartest thing she could have done. And Rush really likes her.