PAC-Men

So what was the ultimate achievement of last week's very weird sideshow in Washington held by the Conservative Political Action Committee? (answer below).

First of all, isn't the group's title itself a contradiction in terms? The only conservative political action is that of a collective group of supposed adults retreating to their high chairs and refusing to budge. The kneejerk rejectionism of Obama's ambitious but necessary stimulus plan makes the CPAC the epicenter of the Party of No. No taxes. No spending (unless for profligate warmongering and wasteful drug interdiction). And certainly No New Ideas.

For all this, the audience roared in approval when their spokesman Rush Limbaugh repeated proudly his desire that Obama fail. This while the banners declared gloriously "Country First." Lovely. Kind of reminds one of Charles Lindbergh's "America First" Fascist coalition of the 1930's. In that same era Will Rogers said he'd rather be right than President. Well, Rush Limbaugh is very very right, and very very wrong. But not to the lunatic fringe. These extremists represent the residual core of the Republican Party, the white hot inner nucleus of rage and fear that drives its engine of mindless propaganda.

Or, to extend the metaphor felicitously, they are like a sun that has gone supernova, collapsed upon itself and created a black hole, which sucks up all life and material, and from which no light can emerge.

What a sad display of extremist idiocy this confab was. It is to be expected, though, because historically the Republican Party has veered radically right after an electoral defeat. Think Goldwater, Reagan and Bush the Retard. After the moderates have been shouted down or subsumed into centrist Democratic areas, the radicals are now shouting out the glory of the message, whatever it is. Just like Bobby Jindal's lame rebuttal address to Obama's speech, they were full of empty bombast, repeating the same old economic themes that got us into the mess we are in. Einstein famously said that to repeat an action the same way and expect different results is the definition of insanity. QED.

There were some intriguing low lights, though, for entertainment's sake. The silliest was the attempt at Hip Hop coolness by the breathtakingly inane Minnesota congressperson Michelle Bachman, who last year told Chris Matthews that Democratic congressmen should be investigated for their anti-Americanism (and then denied the remark despite the video evidence). Today she was in a more charitable mood and twice saluted RNC Chairman Michael Steele with a "You be da man, you be da man." The nervous tittering that followed, along with Steele's clear embarrassment, spoke volumes. When Al Qaeda propagandists referred to Obama as America's "House Negro" they were unconvincingly grasping at straws. But Steele really is the Republican House Negro. Or, excuse me, he be the Republican House Colored Boy. Pass the fried chicken.

And of course, they also honored Joe the Plumber. He keeps on popping up out of the dark miasma, irrepressible, like Jason Voorhes on Friday the 13th.

It is early yet in the 2012 Presidential race, but I'm certain the CPACers have been heartened by the Dow Jones' continued fall while the stimulus works its way uncertainly through the economy. So the issue of their next candidate is high on the docket. Bobby Jindal stumbled out of the gate with his Gomer Pylish performance on Tuesday, and may not recover for a decade at least. He also looks too much like a wimp, a Republican Dennis Kucinich. Newt Gingrich has kept some of his dignity by staying out of the public eye, but has his own scandalous past. The most powerful Republican, Rush Limbaugh, will function best in his current perch and not have to deal with oxycontin revelations. Tom Delay was there seconding Rush's anti-Obama prattling, but had nothing to add. Mitch McConnell and John Boehner are nonentities.

But who avoided the sorry spectacle altogether, and did not have to address the gleeful press barrage of all their antics? One pretty Alaskan governor, that's who. It makes me gulp painfully to admit it, but the jaw-dropping lunacy of the spokespeople at the CPAC convention made Sarah Palin look positively distinguished. Staying away was the smartest thing she could have done. And Rush really likes her.