Four More Years

And that's apparently it.

This is my sad conclusion after two weeks of demoralizing TV viewing on the History Channel. That was my default option after several weeks of regular TV programming falling into the abyss of holiday hiatuses. I surfed the extensive program listings and found the most intriguing choices on the History Channel's "Seven Deadly Sins" week and the following, appropriate "Armageddon Week."

Now, not only do I know how many ways the world can end--some say by fire, some by ice--but I'm also partially convinced as to when. In a much earlier blog I discussed the premonition of the Mayans and others that a major catastrophic event will occur on December 21, 2012 that will alter the trajectory of mankind's existence. This theory was further elaborated on one the History Channel's programs, which suggested that there may be cosmic consequences regarding the earth and the sun's positions on that day. Supposedly, according the the ancients, the sun can be located directly in front of the middle of the Milky Way galaxy as observed form Earth. This, of course, begs the question of how the sun can be viewed at the same time as the Milky Way, which only appears at night--so how did the ancients figure this out? But one supposes that telescopes can do the trick. As to the import of this juxtaposition, it could portend a reversal of the earth's magnetic poles, which would of course cause havoc, but why the sun's position should affect that is about as clear as any astrologer's rationalization.

Okay, putting my skepticism aside, there are circumstances that could result in stupendous calamity to earth, although one can argue that the removal of the human species would be a net plus for the planet. Another program airing on the History Channel was a rerun of an ABC special from several years back listing the seven most likely means to The End, from the least probable--a cosmic burst from a neighboring star, that would fry the planet like a cheese ball dropped in a fondue pot--to the most likely, a planetary global warming (which is actually happening). The other culprits include a collision with a rogue black hole, a Terminator-like rise of artificial intelligence that eliminates its Creators, a meteor strike like the sort that knocked out the dinosaurs, a super Volcano, nuclear war, and global epidemics, man-made or natural.

Putting all my dreadful cogitations together I've determined that the scariest of these possibilities--meaning the most likely to actually affect us in 2012, if it is to happen--is the Super volcano. This is an appalling eruption so large--200 times the size of Mt. St. Helens--that is spreads its fire and ash across the globe, blotting out the sun, destroying vegetation, and hence wiping out most species. The last such event formed the enormous caldera that is now Yellowstone National Park, and occurred 630,000 years ago. Seems pretty remote, but historically that humongous lava lamp has exploded on average every 600,00 years, meaning we are overdue. Add to this the fact that the once dependable "Old Faithful" geyser has lost its predictability, and more worrisome, there has been a cluster of earthquakes in Yellowstone that hasn't abated in the last year. This suggests that something is up.

If Yellowstone goes, so goes the nation--and the world. This means you and me and Paris Hilton and Ann Coulter and Barack Obama and the Dalai Lama and Bill Gates and need I go on? Okay, perhaps the History Channel is just blathering for the sake of ratings, or maybe it should be now called the Pseudohistory Channel, and we can put all these worries aside. Besides, it's still almost four years off. But then again, it was less than four years ago that I began this blog.

So eat drink and be merry, because tomorrow, well guess.