Why Obama Lost

I am still shaking my head over the failure of Americans to finally accept a person of color as their Chief Executive despite his obvious intellectual and temperamental superiority over his opponent. It is so sad that my cynicism has been borne out by circumstances, and that I had to watch the Fox News team jump in elation when they were finally able to bury that radical Muslim. And I hated to see Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow and Chris Matthews on MSNBC be so despondent.

It was also humbling to realize that all the pollsters were so hideously wrong.

In trying to analyze how the bottom fell out of the market, I've arrived at a few compelling reasons why McCain was able to overcome the deficit with his last-minute surge. It boils down to a few points.

1. Obama was only able to drum up endorsements from minor figures such as Warren Buffett and Colin Powell, while McCain was able to brag of his support by Joe the Plumber, one of the finest minds and most honest, tax-paying citizens of our generation. Surely all the Americans who turned to McCain in the last moment shared his admiration for Joe (or Sam, as his parents called him), whom McCain sincerely and convincingly pegged as his role model. I look forward to seeing Joe/Sam in McCain's cabinet, or at least as an ambassador to Israel, a country he cares and knows so much about.

2. Sarah Palin was a brilliant choice, and reassuring to all the McCain voters who know how her firm and experienced hand will guide our country through the crises should she be called upon. Her opponent, Joe Biden, has shown himself to be simplistic in perspective and ludicrously unprepared to face such challenges.

3. The citizens of Ohio and Pennsylvania made the proper response to the onslaught of "Jeremiah Wright" ads that had his voice screaming "Goddamn America" behind a projected image of Obama. This wise and fruitful last-minute spending by this patriotic PAC mirrored the equally convincing "atheist" ad so proudly approved by Elizabeth Dole in North Carolina.

4. George Bush was a great President, and Americans wisely decided that his form of reactionary neo-conservative incompetence was exactly what we needed to continue in order to pull out of the spiraling recession.

5. Barack Obama had a white mother and a African father. Who does he think he is?