Spooky

One of the problems with HDTV, of course, is that reveals facial details that blurrier and airbrushed pictures usually hide. I can't look at a hi-def rendition of any movie with Ewan MacGregor in it because I really want to scoop out his giant forehead protrusion with whatever tools are at hand. Likewise, I have come to notice that another person with a lot of recent TV exposure, one Barack Obama, has a smaller but obvious wen on the side of his nose.

Well, nobody's perfect, but that's not the point. It reminded me of something else I'd seen, and after racking my brain, I realized it was the portraits I've viewed of Abraham Lincoln, who also had a little nodule famously sticking out under his right cheek. More of these portriats have emerged recently in the post-election frenzy that has magazine editors falling over themselves to find comparisons between Lincoln and Obama. Why, they're both from Illinois! They both have limited experience but oratorical gifts! They both write their own speeches on paper! Barack has not done anything to discourage these comparisons, either. He speaks often of Lincoln as a model, and recently has adopted the strategy of choosing cabinet members from among political frenemies, like Lincoln, as chronicled in Doris Kearns Goodwin's "Team of Rivals."

Commentators have also speculated intriguingly about Barack's birthdate, which is August 4, 1961, exactly nine months after the election of John F. Kennedy. Like all the recent enthusiastic couplings in celebration of Obama's victory, there was a lot of boffing in November of 1960; one would like to think that Obama's father and mother thought about the potential achievements of their about-to-be-conceived offspring that evening in the wafting breezes of Hawaii. Forty-eight years later, Obama will enter the White House with a youthful contingent of followers, and young and beautiful family, exciting and enchanting the world scene as Kennedy did in the Camelot years.

Now those old enough to remember the 1960s may also recall all the coincidental similarities drawn between the presidencies of JFK and Honest Abe. Each was elected in a year ending in 60; had a Vice President named Johnson; Lincoln's personal secretary was named Kennedy, and Kennedy's was named Lincoln, yada yada. Lincoln was considered the greatest American president because he saw the Union through the war and preserved it. Kennedy, also an eloquent speaker, managed to save the country (and the world) by not going nuclear over the Cuban Missile Crisis, against the advice of his war machine.

It is in the spirit of a Kevin Bacon interrelationship paradigm to see how Obama, Kennedy and Lincoln all seem to be interconnected in some soaring and inspirational historic paradigm. What is dreadful in all these situational comparisons is that Kennedy and Lincoln were both assassinated in their primes by idiotic southerners. Not the way we wish to conclude these historic parallels.

So I'd rather read about how Obama wants to model himself after FDR as well, and bring a renewed New Deal enthusiasm back to the national scene. Okay, Roosevelt also died in office, but at least he had a good long run.

Post-Irony Edition

It's now been a week since the election, and it's time to exhale. It's still hard to comprehend that this time, thank goodness, desperation triumphed over bigotry (although both won out in California). As I continue to depressurize from my immersion in the political blogs and the constant MSNBC talk fests--and before the harsh realities actually confront this more honorable administration--there are a few final observations and judgments from this tiny speck in the blogosphere.

Barack Obama: Whatever happens to him from now on, he's a major American historical figure. It's rare that we can recognize that so early in someone who actually has no achievement yet (unlike, say momentary heroes like Lindbergh and Armstong). His campaign was brilliant in its zen discipline. Obama is a very impressive guy, but is probably not as good as his campaign; nor will his administration be. But that's only because Obama cannot control world events as he could the tenor of his campaign.

John McCain: Much better than his campaign, which was a horrible botch because he was running against his own instincts and could not reconcile the effort with any ease. That accounts for all the grimaces in his podium appearances. I loved his gaffes, especially "My fellow prisoners" and "I hear your congressman has been saying bad things about Western Pennsylvania, and I couldn't agree more." He will wiggle out of the bad election vibes, though, and devote his time admirably to his senatorial duties, preserving his reputation as an American hero with no potential stain of catastrophic failure attached, as would likely have happened had he won. So he'll be in the company of Henry Clay, William Jennings Bryan, Robert Taft, Hubert Humphrey and Hillary Clinton. Could be worse. And there are all those appearances on SNL.

Sarah Palin: Speaking of appearances, suddenly she's all over the nets trying to salvage her reputation as she unsubtly suggests her presidential candidacy two years before any other Republican. If she were really smart (instead of just media savvy) she would go into Alaskan seclusion, do a good job, read up on history, geography and constitutional law, and let the freakazoids on the Right come panting for her in 2011. Sometimes I feel sorry for her; I think the press was correct in vetting her, but the brouhaha over the clothes was a little excessive and actually the kind of petty personal sniping that was more the modus operandi of the Republicans. Okay, tit for tat. Pun intended.

Joe Biden: What a good choice. Salty, avuncular, and trustworthy. He's someone whom the country can rely on in case of an Obaman tragedy, but in the meantime can contribute benignly to the foreign policy sensibilities of Obama (unlike the demonic Cheney). And if he is subject to gaffes, they will keep in him colorful, and occasionally they will be memorable. He was, lest we forget, utterer of the best campaign line of 2008, regarding Giuliani ("noun, verb and 9/11"). He's the only Joe in a sea of Joes who survived the campaign with my admiration.

Joe/Sam the Plumber: God, I hate this asshole. Someday it may be clearly established that he was a Republican plant, although his conversation with Barack that brought him into prominence was civil and informative. Somehow, perhaps because Obama carelessly dropped in the phrase "share the wealth", the desperate McCain staff found the embodiment of its anti-tax dogma and tried to create a cultural icon. McCain needed a whole lot of blue collar cred after the 7 houses/13 cars fiasco. Of course the lack of vetting again revealed McCain's impulsiveness, and when it was revealed that Joe was not a Joe, nor a plumber, nor a contractor, but a welfare recipient and a tax scofflaw, McCain could have done better than to refer to Joe as his role model. Thankfully Joe will struggle to survive the month as a public figure, unless SNL invites him. And then he'll really get what he deserves.

Nate Silver: Who? Why, the creator of Fivethirtyeight.com, the best of a whole collection of polling websites that pretty accurately foretold the election results. The Uber-nerd Nate Silver is also an overachiever, having developed the PECOTA system for predicting baseball statistics, and is therefore a god in the Rotisserie World. The PECOTA system was too arcane for me, and I'm pretty good in that arena; likewise his statistical models are very complex, but seem to work quite well. I guess Nate has found something to fill in the gaps when he's not getting laid.

The Phillies: Oh yeah, congrats. Unfortunately no one was watching. And that Philadelphia weather! Build a dome!

Why Obama Lost

I am still shaking my head over the failure of Americans to finally accept a person of color as their Chief Executive despite his obvious intellectual and temperamental superiority over his opponent. It is so sad that my cynicism has been borne out by circumstances, and that I had to watch the Fox News team jump in elation when they were finally able to bury that radical Muslim. And I hated to see Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow and Chris Matthews on MSNBC be so despondent.

It was also humbling to realize that all the pollsters were so hideously wrong.

In trying to analyze how the bottom fell out of the market, I've arrived at a few compelling reasons why McCain was able to overcome the deficit with his last-minute surge. It boils down to a few points.

1. Obama was only able to drum up endorsements from minor figures such as Warren Buffett and Colin Powell, while McCain was able to brag of his support by Joe the Plumber, one of the finest minds and most honest, tax-paying citizens of our generation. Surely all the Americans who turned to McCain in the last moment shared his admiration for Joe (or Sam, as his parents called him), whom McCain sincerely and convincingly pegged as his role model. I look forward to seeing Joe/Sam in McCain's cabinet, or at least as an ambassador to Israel, a country he cares and knows so much about.

2. Sarah Palin was a brilliant choice, and reassuring to all the McCain voters who know how her firm and experienced hand will guide our country through the crises should she be called upon. Her opponent, Joe Biden, has shown himself to be simplistic in perspective and ludicrously unprepared to face such challenges.

3. The citizens of Ohio and Pennsylvania made the proper response to the onslaught of "Jeremiah Wright" ads that had his voice screaming "Goddamn America" behind a projected image of Obama. This wise and fruitful last-minute spending by this patriotic PAC mirrored the equally convincing "atheist" ad so proudly approved by Elizabeth Dole in North Carolina.

4. George Bush was a great President, and Americans wisely decided that his form of reactionary neo-conservative incompetence was exactly what we needed to continue in order to pull out of the spiraling recession.

5. Barack Obama had a white mother and a African father. Who does he think he is?