Hard to Swallow

Usually I am quick to anticipate a suitable blog topic and proceed as a bellweather of the Blogosphere (oh Brave New Lexicon), but I was slow on the uptake when the family of former FBI second-in-command Mark Felt revealed, with his corroboration, that he was the famous Deep Throat who guided Woodstein toward their discoveries of the Watergate webs of deceit. So I'll throw in my two cents.

The revelation was something of a disappointment, since it was the biggest newsworthy mystery since the disappearance of Amelia Earhart, and I was hoping for a character of higher public profile to be named. Someone like Martha Mitchell or Charles Colson or David Eisenhower. Felt is pretty bland and being a spy, is too obvious. Apparently he was already suspected by most of the Washington cognescenti. And the nobility of his mission has been somewhat tarnished by the fact that he was upset that Nixon had selected Patrick Grey over him as a successor to that great FBI MegaHypocrite J. Edgar Hoover. That, may have been because Nixon suspected him of being a Jew. Also, he was guilty himself of illegal wiretappings while executing his duties in the early 1980s. So a little Iago (as well as Shylock) plays into this, not just patriotic idealism.

That being said, all law-abiding citizens ought to regard his whistle-blowing concerning the web of lies concocted by All the President's Men as a courageous and moral act. All, except, of course, the knee-jerk Republican apologists like Patrick Buchanan who thought it seedy and irresponsible. Buchanan is still pissed that he was kept out of the loop while serving as Tricky Dick's speechwriter. (He shouldn't be--it kept him clean enough to survive decades and remain a Fox Favorite Pundit). Well, guys, I'm sure you applaud Linda Tripp, otherwise known as That Fat Cunt, whose illegal wiretapping exposed the infidelities (I am shocked! shocked!) of Bill Clinton that led to his impeachment. Well, moral hypocrisy has never particularly bothered the Republicans. Names like Spiro Agnew and Robert Livingston come to mind, though not agreeably.

Hey, the Republicans should be grateful for Watergate. If it weren't for that seminal event they wouldn't be in charge of the White House now. How do I figure? Well, history and politics do not exist as isolated events, but a continuum of give-and-take, action-and-reaction. The Democrats would likely have won the presidency in 1976 even without a lame Gerald Ford, as the economy was tanking. History would likely have proceeded with a Reagan ascendancy. But Watergate gave them a cause celebre, as they waited for payback. That payback came in the form of the ludicrously overhyped Whitewater and Monicagate affairs that tainted Clinton's reputation and kept him on the sidelines during the 2000 campaign. With a stronger presence (like Reagan's in 1988), and a solid record of leading the nation through its most prosperous era ever, Clinton would have helped Veep Al Gore to capture enough votes to overcome the interference of Nader in Florida and other states as well.

Okay, now that this issue has been resolved, it's time to focus on mysteries that really matter, such as the Real Killers of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman, what is down that damn pit in "Lost," when Barry Bonds actually stopped taking steroids, and why 60% of California voters elected a fictional character as their governor.