The Lame Game

I've been panting to write a new baseball blog but it's simply too early to tell what teams are stronger this season since the Grapefruit and Cactus League activity has been overshadowed by the silly spectacle called the World Baseball Classic, which has coopeted many major players to don uniforms of their native lands and compete in a few bogus games for not even a trophy. This may or may not be a necessary step toward the "globalization" of the sport, since it is a countermeasure to the Olympic discontinuation of baseball as a team sport after 2008. That decision, from a group of underachieving overstuffed European sportsmen who deem ballroom dancing, synchronized swimming and team half-pipe worthy of Olympic medals, is the purest example of organized anti-Americanism that exists.

On the other hand, globalization is a continually evolving process at least in the Major Leagues of American and Japan, where international line-ups have become as common as those in the NHL. And do we really need a tiny exhibition tournament to determine a bogus World Champion, since there are so few games that go into determining the winner? Even the College World Series is much more inclusive. After losing one game to Canada due to some very bad pitching by Dontrelle Willis and the nearly retired Al Leiter, the Americans were nearly eliminated from the tournament, which would have been an egregious embrassment, not to mention a drag on attendance at the finals in San Diego. Once America starts losing, we don't want to know. Who goes to the America's Cup yacht races anymore? Well the whole concept, even if no one gets significantly injured, is lame.

But speaking of lame and embarrassing, I couldn't help noting all the headlines in today's first section of the Times. A sampling: "Bush Says Iraq Is in a 'Period of Tension'";"American Hostage Found Dead in Iraq"; "Iraqi President, Premier Bicker Over Powers"; "Libby Entitled to Summaries of Briefings, Judge Rules"; "Bush Bemoans Ports Deal"; "Army Corps Report Details 17th Street Levee's Failure"; and "Cabinet Official Norton Resigns." Well sure, wouldn't you? The mad cavalcade of Administration failures just marches on and on so that one blends indistinguishably into the next. As Gertrude said, "One woe doth tread upon another's heels."

What's most ironic is that for all his missteps, the trap that finally caught Bush is the issue that is most justifiable, the ports deal that involved the corporate aegis of the U.A.E., one of our Arab "allies" (although they also helped sponsor Al Qaeda). Bush was hoisted by his own petard on this one. It was his simpleminded lumping of all mideast Muslims as complicit in terrorist attacks by singling out Saddam and the Iraqis that helped him win his election; now that same Republican-sponsored xenophobia renders all Arabs mistrustful to all Americans. The Democrats could easily leap upon the issue, even if misguidedly. That the Republicans did as well simply underscores the fact that this is an election year and they are mostly scarred now by their fidelity to Bush's lame duck administration. Bush's overall popularity hovers around the 38% mark, lower than anyone except Nixon during Watergate. And it's hard to see how he will pull himself out of the ditch with the Iraqi situation deteriorating and the Iranians waving their swords.

So the opportunity is ripe for the Democrats, even if they will be inheriting a disastrous situation. But those ditzes, with all this ammunition, are still unable to come up with even the most basic theme upon which to rally their troops. To my total despair I read that their p.r. machine has been working tirelessly at a "Contract with America" slogan and this is what they have come up with: "We Can Do Better." Yes, that's right, "We can do better." Inspirational, no? Makes you want to sing, no? Sarcasm aside, it does at least have the advantage of being its own critique. Apparently this is the best idea they could come up with after hundres of meetings and focus groups. Astoundingly, this slogan is even worse than the nonsensical one that stumbled off the podium at the 2004 Democratic Convention, "Hope Is on the Way."

My theory is that all the Democratic writers are actually Republican moles; this is the only explanation for suchfecklessness. Even a fourth-grade boy scout could come up with a catchier slogan for the Jamboree. "We Can Do Better" is so awful not just because it's so bland, but it's so lacklustre that it bespeaks a deficiency in spirit and imagination. Don't any of the Dems remember how uninspiring were their claims of "Competence" for Dukakis in 1988? How hard is it to come up with a more compelling message? Here are some off the top of my head: "Lets Go Forward Again!"... "Peace and Prosperity!"... "Had Enough?" or the more pointed "We've Had Enough!" They could do worse than this--and have--and might even consider adopting one of the great rabble rousing movie cries, if Paddy Chayevsky's estate permits: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it any more!"