The Hell With It

Unbelievably (or perhaps not so), the legal proceedings regarding last year's name alteration of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are still ongoing. If Anaheim wants to think of itself as a metropolis, you'd think it would apply itself to more useful pursuits, such as widening the bottlenecks on the I-5. But now another baseball team is struggling with its nomenclature, and as an elegant counterpoint to the Angels, it's the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Ownership there has decided to drop the team nickname to either "Rays" or something entirely different (like Doormats or Manatees). Whatever, the major objection is the inclusion of "Devil" in its name, even though Devil Rays were the fish supposedly being celebrated.

This is most likely a loony obsession of some fundamentalist interests who, realizing they can't disinter Terri Schiavo or force Proctor and Gamble to change its logo, instead targeted another embarassment this state had to offer. (Hey, how about Katharine Harris?) The theory, I guess, is that summoning demonic spirits through the word "Devil" has kept the franchise cursed and lowly. After all, since it joined the Major Leagues in 1997 along with Arizona, the Diamondbacks have already won a World Series (rattlesnakes being cool, I guess) while the Devil Rays have emerged from the cellar only once. I guess this is a theory about as plausible as Intelligent Design, so the President might back it up. But to my mind the poor showing of the Tampa Bay team might have a bit more to do with inept ownership, an inferior stadium, Lou Piniella's inability to handle pitchers, and the fact that the Rays face the Yankees and Red Sox 38 times every season. Nor does it explain how the Jersey Devils won the Stanley Cup, or the Duke Blue Devils the NCAAs.

This foolishness is another offshoot of the supernatural idiocy pervading our culture. As a confirmed skeptic I feel largely about the Devil and I do about God. They're both interesting fictional characters whom a large swath of Stupid Humanity believe in literally, like Santa Claus, the Terminator and Jack Bauer. Far be it from me to suggest that God (to which you add a latter to make "good") and the devil (from which you subtract a letter to make "evil") might just be metaphors of the moral yin and yang of our human urges. Nah, that's too intellectual an interpretation. The majority of morons who make up our species would rather believe in their very real essence and literal influence. I know of an educated woman who totally freaked when she received a credit card whose last three digits were "666." Bet it didn't stop her from seeing "The Omen," though--which I hear is being remade this year, along with other '70s masterpieces like "The Poseidon Adventure," "The Pink Panther" and "When a Stranger Calls." Well, as Ross Perot liked to say, "The Devil is in the details."

Meanwhile we have those divine images popping up on grilled cheese sandwiches and taco stands, and the awful silhouette of Satan as captured in the billowy smoke emerging from a burning World Trade Center. Not to mention those poor children who rent out their bodies for Satanic possessions in hopes of subsequent movie deals. And what of devilled eggs , Cruella de Ville, little Red Hots, the Satanic Verses, "That Old Devil Moon" and my favorite snack food of all time, Drake's Devil Dogs? Sorry, Pat Robertson, but I think Devil's food cake is yummier than Angel's food cake. That's probably enough to consign me to the nether regions when I expire, but I'm a Jew anyway, so I wouldn't have anywhere else to go.