Splitsville

It's been a WaterWorld weekend, with a local monsoon starting to undermine hillsides, collapse houses, and swell the otherwise moribund Los Angeles River into a hazardous Urban rapids, swallowing up stray autos and the usual careless thrill-seeking teens. The destruction is a very miniaturized version of the tsunami's devastation, which is still being documented on TV and the Internet from newly recovered tourist videos. But for all the harrowing events of the weekend, the local outlets were mostly obsessed with an item that could actually qualify as good news: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are getting a divorce.

I could launch into a tirade over our culture's undue engagement with celebrity lives, but that would be predictable and dull. I mean, so what? If it reflected some egregious deterioration of our National values, I'd be compelled to grumble, but I don't hold to that elitist bullshit. What civilization hasn't had a fascination with its stars, from Achilles to Alexander to Spartacus to the Borgias and through to today? Vicarious indulgence in the lives of the famous is a human characteristic; deal with it.

What intrigues me is that the Brad/Jen breakup is an almost universally positive development. It might have had a downside if they had had children, butI don't believe that's the case. (I'm a little uncertain here, as the fictional life of Aniston on "Friends" blurs into her actuality. She had a baby on the show, but didn't in real life; Courtney Cox Arquette had a baby in real life after not being able to in real life and on the show, in which she ended up adopting twins. Now did Aniston adopt in real life? Help). If there is any collateral issue from this marriage, they will be well-cared for, or at least well-endowed (in all possible senses).

But let's give the couple credit. They were married seven years. That is an Eon in Hollywood terms, especially for two folks who have graced more covers of "People" than there are grains of sand in the world. Under the constant glare of the paparazzi and with no shot for even a nanosecond of privacy, that seven years is a sensational run and speaks well of their stability. Showbiz marriages are notoriously shaky because the profession is so insecure, and unless the partners have equal degrees of success, jealousies and envies and schadenfreude will eventually erode the bond. It is of more than passing interest that this marriage deteriorated once Aniston's million-dollars-an-episode gig expired, and Pitt's "Troy" movie did not vault him back atop the "Sexiest Man in the World" lists.

But back to the reasons everyone should rejoice:

1. There will not be a nasty divorce war over community property. Each already owns a community or two.

2. Brad and Jen can date other people, guilt-free. Not paparazzi-free, but nothing's perfect.

3. Other people can date them. This is excellent news for the 300 lb. beautician in Sandusky, as well as the pimply computer geek (pardon my stereotype) in Lewiston, Idaho, who have been fantasizing over just this possibility.

4. The tabloids and the trash TV-entertainment news shows now have two lead characters for their headlines. Singles on the prowl are wildly more interesting than beautiful folks who get married. Just ask Rhoda and Joe.

5. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner can have some time out of the spotlight. By the way, I really think Garner is the next great star, sort of a pretty version of Julia Roberts, and charmingly self-effacing in public. Unfortunately for this couple, she is soon going to outshine Affleck, who needs to spend less time induging in Texas Hold-Em and Red Sox Nation self-aggrandizing and more in choosing film scripts that don't induce projectile vomiting.