Hot Stove I

The Jet Stream has decided to sag under its own weight this year, dragging the moisture track down into Southern California from the Pacific Northwest where it rightfully belongs. The result is the wettest January here in 40 years, and with the rain pounding outside and the windblown trees swaying and undulating like cheerleaders at the Hula Bowl, thoughts here turn naturally to baseball.

Well, why not? Even the thought of the term "hot stove league" is warming and palliative as a mocha latte. We're at the mid-point in that seasonal slough between the World Series and George 43 throwing out the first ball at a Washington baseball game. (That ought to be an interesting event on its own, and Bush's arm is probably his best asset--as the old song goes, "It's surely not his brain..."--for his most notable achievement in Term One was pitching a strike in Game Three of the 2001 World Series).

But I am mustering assorted thoughts, short of essay-length, and here they are:

1. "The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim" (which translates to "The The Angels Angels of Anaheim, but never mind), is a nomenclature so inane that it managed to unite the New York Times editorial department and right-wing cartoonist Michael Ramirez in equal modes of ridicule. Turns out the idea wasn't originally Art Moreno's, but comes from a Dodger farm team that labeled itself the Inland Empire 66s of San Bernardino. Frankly, I preferred the "Quakes," but some people are so sensitive.

2. Why is Paul DePodesta so determined to rid the Dodgers of the talented vet Shawn Green? I know why--because they look too much alike. It's like two Debs showing up at the Cotillion in the same taffeta gowns. Well I think if DePodesta wants to keep from being tarred and feathered and sent out on Amtrak to Azusa, Anaheim (of Los Angeles) and Cucamonga, he should at least get some value for Shawn. Trade him to the Mets and bring back Mike Piazza (whom I like to call anagrammatically "I Make Pizza"). Piazza outlived his welcome in NYC, and has show biz potential in TV land. Meanwhile Green would be the best Jewish outfielder in New York since Art Shamsky.

3. I am so glad the Yanks are not pursuing (as of this second) Carlos Beltran, although he is the most talented guy they could get for the next five years or so. The collection of talent has been as tedious as reading about Steve Wynn buying another Degas or Picasso for display to bored gambler's wives at the Bellagio. The reason they are not signing him, I guess, is that he has yet to defeat them in a World Series, unlike Tony Womack, Carl Pavano and Ugly Tall Lefty (for the record Randy Johnson). They are already too top-heavy with stars. Not that this doesn't create an exciting team that will be fun to watch all year, but it sets me up again for disappointment. If they do win, well, they oughta. If they don't, well they shoulda, and wasn't the season another vain waste of a good six months?

4. I still can't figure out if the Alex Gonzalez who just signed with Tampa Bay (what a coup for him and Lou) is the Alex Gonzalez who made the big error for the Cubs after Steven Bartman earned his immortality, or the Alex Gonzalez from Florida who homered, beating the Yanks in the 4th game of the Series in 2003. It's probably the former, because the Yanks of course want anybody that has wounded them historically.

5. I am delighted that Pedro Martinez signed with the Mets. He's one of the few athletes who seems to have a sense of humor about himself, and now he's no longer a member of the Red Sox Nation. I hope he has a splendid season and enjoys the press he gets. He's a real character.