Musical Chairs

Here's a useful new word: "thumbling." I thought it up as I was thumbing through the L.A. Times this morning, fumbling for a blog topic. Ergo, the portmanteau "thumbling." Anyway, after some effort, I thumbled upon a brief item in the entertainment section announcing that Mark Burnett, the megasuccessful Reality-TV mogul, is considering making a musical out of "The Apprentice." Burnett would write the book and lyrics, and fortunately not the music. After checking the date to be sure it wasn't April 1, I set the paper down to give the idea sufficient deliberation.

I like it, or at least I like its transcendent absurdity. In yesterday's blog I suggested jokingly that Scorcese could have turned "The Aviator" into a musical. Compared to musicalizing "The Apprentice," that would have been an act of genius. I mean, why "The Apprentice"? The Donald has shown no inclination in his show to place his contestants in a theatrical or production situation, much less ask them to hoof. What kind of songs would emerge, besides the obvious "You're Fired!" and some boardroom clones of "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better?" Maybe Trump just wants the ego experience of casting himself as attractively young and vibrant as he wishes he still is. Is Hugh Jackman available? How about Matthew Broderick? Please, no Nathan Lane or Harvey Fierstein here. But do bring back Omarosa--unless she's already signed up to do one of the witches in "Wicked."

Frankly I think that if Burnett has to go Broadway, it ought to be with the granddaddy reality show, "Survivor." It just smacks of "South Pacific." Plus it would have more varied costumes, opportunites for exotic set design, and if they can get tax-dodging Richard Hatch out of jail, some very intriguing nude choreography. Songs could include "He's a Snake but You're a Rat," "Don't Vote Me Off of the Island," "You're the Slug in My Breakfast," "My Grandma Died," and "You Light Up My Torch."

But putting aside the notion that a "Reality Musical" is a contradiction in terms, let's remind outselves this is the 21st century and we are living in the New Era of Stupidity. Moronic is in. Witness the startling success of a real-life Reality Opera based on "The Jerry Springer Show", a big critical hit in London and playing soon on our side of the Atlantic. Haven't seen it yet, but can easily picture the chair-smashing production numbers and the "Woo! Woo! Woo!" chanting from the rowdy, toothless chorus. From what I hear, the Second Act of the opera moves from the set of the show to Hell, which, to my mind, is not much of a transition.

I have to hand it to the creators of the show, who must have encountered profound ridicule when they pitched the idea, for truly having a finger on the pulse of American pop culture. I always found "Jerry Springer" appalling in the extreme, but somehow instructive. If one were to look at the yahoos in the audience who scream and rave at the even lower lives being paraded (usually in false set-ups) on the stage, one would get a good notion of who the people are who vote for President. Is it any wonder that the man taking the Oath of Office today is the person who most appealed to their sensibilities?