Everybody Hates Christmas

The trouble with democracy is not so much that the majority always rules, but that the majority is so often composed of dunderheads. If science were ruled by the majority, they'd be teaching creationism in allour universities. And, as the London Daily Mirror wrote after the 2004 American election, "How could 56 million people be so dumb?" Well, their stupidity was tonic to Bush and his cronies; but perhaps the Neocons cannot expect so felicitous a result from the burgeoning "democracies" that are being encouraged in the Middle East. For when those crazies go out to vote, sure as shit they will vote eventually for the religious leadership that promises them a reward in Heaven. Democracy in the Middle East will not lead to the secular leadership that would be desirable if the advance of militant Islamism is to be stemmed. Religion is simply too important to too many people.

Bush and company wisely recognized this when they turned their campaign into a Christianist crusade. Who can forget Bush's response in a debate when asked who was his greatest political exemplar? It was, of course, Jesus Christ. Subsequently one might wonder where that guidance went astray, because Jesus preached "turning the other cheek," and only fought once, against the Money changers at the Temple. By that example, Bush should only have waged war against Ameriquest. But no matter. His Red State Mandate gave heart to those who like to say that this is a Christian nation (much as that appellation would make the Founding Fathers cringe). It is certainly a nation with a lot of Christians, many of them very good people, and some of them irrational and dangerously prejudiced zealots.

For the latter, no religious confrontation is worth ducking, so after the Terri Schiavo defeat they were itching for some battle, any battle. And it has crystallized over Christmas--or rather, the perceived attack by secular humanists on the religious aspects of Christmas observance. This includes the removals of creches (along with menorahs) from public spaces, and the replacement of "Merry Christmas" wishes on ubiquitous cards and posters with "Happy Holidays." This defensiveness is a humongous waste of energy but zealots need irrational crusades like sharks need to keep on swimming.

It's not as if the ACLU and their advocates comprise a confederacy of Grinches, though I like them better when they act to protect rights rather than limit them. The Christianists are terrified that somehow the diminution of Christmas by equating it with Kwaanza and Hanukkah constitutes apostasy. Not likely. Christmas has been around for 1500 years, after being codified by some Pope or other on December 25 (adopting a centuries-old winter solstice celebration). It is now an international event, with mostly commercial implications. If the Christianists really wished to honor the religious connotations of the holiday, they would protest its intense commercialization and sacrifice the idea of gift-giving to replace it with pious prayer. Yeah, that'll happen.

As a Jew raised in a largely Christian society, I've gone through phases of resentment against Gentile hegemony and feelings of exclusion and loneliness that are all a part of the Christmas experience. For a while, as a younger person with nowhere to go on Christmas Day and no tree or gifts to speak of, I would indulge in that other great tradition, Christmas Depression. I'd celebrate it by going to see the most demoralizing movie playing in theaters, so that I'd feel elated compared to the anguish on screen. This is how I got to enjoy "Sophie's Choice" and "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer." After a while I outgrew that dolorous attitude and just tried to endure the relentless onslaught of gooey TV Christmas specials and ubiquitous Christmas carols, which followed me from the 7-11 to the casinos of Las Vegas. "Jingle Bell Rock" still gives me hives, and for the life of me I don't see the fascination in "It's a Wonderful Life." You want to see a good Christmas movie? Try "A Christmas Story." Second best: "Bad Santa."

By now I am mellower, so inured to the Yuletide season that it's hard for me to believe that others think it is truly under attack. If someone wishes me "Merry Christmas" I smile and return the wish. If they want to say "Happy Hanukkah" or "Season's Greetings" I nod just as pleasantly. I think Chritsmas trees are pretty, if somewhat dangerous, and I don't even mind the festooning of houses with colored lights. Nothing I do can change the overwhelming import of Christmas on Western Civilization, and I don't really care, especially if we can eke out a Santa Claus rally on the NYSE. But I do resent establishing the variation of observance of the holiday as one more battlefield of the tiresome and destructive Culture War that began with the 2000 election. I'm reminded of the line from "Hannah and Her Sisters"--if Jesus knew all the things that were being done in his name, he would never stop throwing up."