Stormy Weather

Sweeps Month is not what it used to be, when miniseries ruled the airwaves and stunt casting skewed the storylines of all episodic shows. Perhaps the de-emphasis has to do with the balkanization of TV networks, or the decline of sex stories on local news shows in response to a national neo-Victorianism. Whatever, despite some interesting NBC experiments like the live West Wing debate and an upcoming 3-D "Medium," there's not a lot of stand-out specials from which to choose this month. Which is why I had room on my soon-to-be obsolete VHS tape for two hours of CBS's November "event," "Category 7: End of the World."

As you probably know if you've been reading my blog since January, Armageddon depictions are a guilty pleasure of mine, and this one, though astoundingly dumb, is also a hoot. It is apparently a sequel to last year's "Category 6: Day of Destruction," and even includes a crossover character played by Randy Quaid. He's a tornado hunter whose SUV got carried away by a supertwister last season and taking him to his supposed doom, a la Slim Pickens in "Dr. Strangelove." Only we learn, on his reappearance this time, that he survived that mishap by exiting his car and being wafted by the surprisingly cooperative tornado and dropped into Lake Michigan. Randy Quaid must have a very good agent.

The destruction from last season, which included the leveling of Las Vegas and Chicago, is repeated here, as more Category 6 events lay waste to Paris, Egypt, New York and Mount Rushmore. I am very impressed by the precision of these storms, aiming squarely at major human monuments and toppling them like so many tinker toys. The Eiffel Tower wobbled like a a jello mold before succumbing, as did the Statue of Liberty, the Great Pyramid, and Thomas Jefferson's face, sliced off neatly as by a humongous ginzu knife. Just to show that Mother Nature is not totally a star-fucker, some tornadoes also wiped out Buffalo and a trailer park in Indiana. The latter event produced my favorite line in the movie, when a pilot in a supersonic jet tracking the storm announced "We are right above the trailer park now!" As he was zipping along at Mach 2 one would think that by the time that sentence was completed he was probably over the Grand Canyon.

I may or may not bother to tape the second half of this epic, when the supercells combine over Washington DC to produce the aforementioned Category 7 End-of-the-World event. I'm not sure how this can out-spectacle cinematic cataclysms from "The Day After Tomorrow" or "Deep Impact," but the TV mavens keep trying, hoping perhaps that at least HD viewing can enhance the experience. That may explain the upcoming TV rendition of "The Poseidon Adventure," which is not exactly a must-see, but I probably will anyway, just to find out who plays the Shelly Winters role. (Camryn Manheim? Kirstie Alley? Winters herself?)

If that's not enough wetness, there was also a rerun of Stephen King's "Storm of the Century" on a cable station, not to mention the water-logged mystery episodics "Surface," about an underwater species; "Threshold," about a subterranean alien threat; and "Invasion," whose story began with a hurricane. Since these entertainments were all conceived before the horrendous spate of hurricanes that decimated the Southeast this year, it may not be valid to tie in this cultural phenomenon with the headlines. But there may have been some impetus from the Tsunami in Southeast Asia (remember that?) and even from the waterlogged winter endured by Los Angelenos early in 2005.

So has Global Warming had more of an effect on our entertainment venues than it has on our landscape? Who knows, since according to the Sages in Washington, Global Warming is a myth and the Kyoto Accords a declalaration of foolish alarmism. It seems the only scientists that Bush is willing to listen to are those in that wacky Seattle institute who propose Intelligent Design. Oh, and to be fair, those who say we could very well be on the brink of an influenza pandemic.

Which would likely lead to a production for next year's Sweeps entitled "One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest."