Merry Month of May

So, what cheery news matter should I address today? Haven't heard much lately about the disappearance of the bees. We're probably down to 40% now; that allergy commercial starring the voice of Antonio Banderas as a flirtatious bee looks like it may become a classic of archaic biology. Oh, what about the dozen dead and two U.S. planes missing in Iraq? Yawn. Our national consciousness can't absorb any more daily downers; it's the dawn of glorious democracy in the Middle East, even they have to destroy a country to save it. And then North Korea just shot off a nuclear-sized missile. Tactlessly they aimed it at Japan. Is there a Godzilla in their future? And then I hear that Kansas is remounting the Scopes Trial for Creationists on the School Board so that their glorious mythology can be inserted into their bio texts. Fine--those texts are going to be in a state of flux anyway, as they scramble to find a substitute for the bees in the "bird and bees" section.

Then there are the Freeway Shootings. Ta-da! That's something close to home, since it's our freeways. And what a nice segue from yesterday's diatribe against cell phones. The only things more dangerous on the freeway than cell phones are guns, but the NRA is aglow at the prospect of a 22-calibre in every glove compartment. And why not? Guns are far more useful nowadays than gloves. Has anyone ever held up a bank with a glove? I imagine they are lobbying their favorite auto makers to furnish their SUVs with driver's-side holsters for convenience.

Freeway shootings have been a relative nuisance for the past decade or two, but lately there has been a rash of them, apparently "unrelated", over the entire freeway system of Los Angeles. Up to now these events usually are connected with road rage, and perhaps occasionally a mob hit. These incidents were scattered and unpredictable and caused fewer fatalities than the usual spate of highway accidents. But now their frequency--some thirty shootings ove the past three months--is finally raising eyebrows and relegating the Michael Jackson trial reports to secondary status on the local newscasts. Law-enforcement officials are attributing the gunplay to road rage, gang violence, and "copy cats," whatever spurrious innocence this kind of activity implies. All of this to allay our fears. What nobody wants to confirm, or even suggest loudly, is that this may be some kind of personal terrorist operation, akin to the sniper who emotionally devastated the D.C. area a few years back.

Those months in the Capitol/Maryland/Virginia region were quite horrific; I have relatives who were truly afraid to emerge into the open to buy gasoline or tread from a parking lot to the post office. Whatever the perpetrators' psychological motives, this was, sad to say, a very effective form of terrorism--something that makes an entire community uncomfortable to proceed with their normal lives. I have wondered, with the population growing and our national psyche so schizophrenic--oh excuse me, "bipolar"--why there haven't been more attempts by similar lunatics to disrupt the lives of their neighbors. It's entirely possible that a small cadre of right-wing extremists or, less likely, angry immigrants, could be purposely raising hell. The more random the shootings, the more terrifying they become. We can't avoid any one freeway; we are leery of anyone who gives us a dirty look in a neighboring car; we purchase more guns to defend ourselves. All of these consequences are likely as our local mood darkens and panic starts to set in.

What won't happen, unfortunately, is the one repercussion that could benefit us--fewer drivers on the freeway! Not even the threat of a bullet in the brain can keep our commuters off their appointed roads. Frankly, that will never happen until 1) we have created an efficient and comprehensive mass-transit system; 2) gas goes to $5 a gallon; or 3) the Big One destroys all our freeway overpasses. Meanwhile, life continues to deteriorate in a world where it is now more likely to get shot in your car than to win your money back on a lottery ticket. Tra-la.