Three Good Years

An amusing cartoon today's L.A. Times pictured two ancient Mayans, one holding the famous round calendar he'd just fashioned and apologizing to the other that he ran out of room after Dec. 21, 2012. The other Mayan chuckles and says "That ought to create a lot of panic some day."

And contribute, as well, to the coffers of producers wise enough to tap into our cultural zeitgeist. After beginning my blog in 2005 with thoughts about apocalyptic theory, and then following up on the 2012 phenomenon, I finally got to see Hollywood's take on the End Times, a Megadisaster flick called "2012."

Given the conventions of disaster movies, especially of the Roland Emmerich variety ("Independence Day," "The Day After Tomorrow"), my expectations were medium-to-low. But I was not disappointed. Sure there were were the ludicrous plot contrivances, hair-breadth escapes by the lead (John Cusack, channeling Tom Cruise from "War of the Worlds"), and the Golden Rule of Cinema Destruction: "No children or Dogs shall die on screen." A corollary for this film, at least--if you have a Russian accent, look out.

But come on, who goes to a disaster movie to invest in the characters? The cinema is the only medium that can effectively depict mass destruction in an entertainingly detached manner, and in this regard, "2012" delivers the goods. You want to see Los Angeles slide into the sea? Done. Had a bad day at the Venetian casino in Las Vegas? Not as bad a day as the casino has here. And for the lapsed Catholics in the world, what can be more entertaining than to see St. Peter's Basilica implode and then collapse on all the worshippers in St. Peter's Square? And the White House, already having been blown to bits by aliens in Independence Day," now has to deal with a tidal wave of biblical proportions and a very obstreperous aircraft carrier. Interestingly, the producers were prescient enough to include a black American president for 2012, though this one is Danny Glover, Morgan Freeman being busy limning Nelson Mandela in another movie playing at the multiplex, "Invictus."

As for the appratus by which the Earth is majorly destroyed, there are two elements. One is a fatal does of neutrinos emanating from a burst of solar energy that melts the core of our planet and sets the crust rolling all over. This strikes me as ludicrous. The other major agent is the caldera at Yellowstone, a potential supervolcano that regular explodes every 600,000 years or so and covers the surface of earth with heinous and unbreathable ash. Now, since the volcano has not erupted in 640,000 years, and has lately been showing signs of excess heat, this particular bit of cinema whimsy may be a little too close to the truth for comfort.

I've also been thinking more about the date, Dec. 21, which is suspicious because it is the winter solstice, and not some arbitrary date. Since societies have been worshipping the Winter Solstice event from time immemorial, as it has signified for all peoples the lengthening of days and the return of the life-giving sun, the selection of Dec. 21 as a watershed moment probably has more to do with that superstition and the seasonal manner by which the ancients measured time.

In any event, if my home is about to join the Pacific Ocean, there is precious little I can do about it, except perhaps to move to New Mexico; but even then, I'll be covered by the volcanic ash from Yellowstone. Dr. Wayne Dyer once wrote that "worry" was a useless emotion. I prefer my emotions useful and self-perpetuating. But at least , if the world is to end, I've gotten to see it already on Hollywood Boulevard.