Bad Breath

The earthshaking news that a humongous terrorist plot to down ten or more jetliners over the Atlantic was foiled is certainly welcome, especially to those two thousand persons who, unknowingly, have had their life extended. It plays like the epilogue to an episode of "24" or "Sleeper Cell," two excellent counter-terrorist series whose operatives actually succeed. To awaken to the news that this plot was aborted does not counterweigh the horrors of receiving the 9/11 reports, nor is it "feel-good"; it is just a different wake-up call.

The ramifications of the bomb-with-liquids plot have yet to fully flower. Certainly a lot of credit must go to Scotland Yard, and to the operatives, Muslim and others, who helped uncover the scheme. After the exposure of incipient and unwieldy plots by amateur terrorists like that silly cell in Florida, it is sobering and encouraging to see that real agents are achieving real ends, and that all the money being spent on anti-terrorism is not a huge waste, like the billions being burned up pointlessly in Iraq.

Of course this was a success of a different nation, not our local Feds, though for sure the Republicans will try to spin this as another Mission Accomplished for Bush, who was otherwise occupied clearing brush in his Texas ranch. Politically this will inevitably be a gain for the Republicans, though, who will play the Reality of Terror card--and the failure of any post 9-11 terror attacks in America--as further proof that they are more capable of defending our nation.

This would have worked for them if this were October, but I believe that in the three months between now and the midterm election much of the fear will have died down, replaced not by dread of terrorists but of the long lines at the airports. We are all only remotely affected by the worldwide terror threat, but everyone who flies now has to contend with the draconian rules about carry-on items that have emerged from a cautious, understandable, but somewhat ludicrous overreaction to this particular plot. My personal selfish reaction had to do with toiletries. Suddenly we are not allowed to take anything in liquid or gel form onto a plane in our carry-on bags.

This means now shaving cream, no sunscreen and--worst of all--no toothpaste. So unless one is willing to abide the long lines at the baggage check-in, and risk the possibility of lost luggage in an overworked baggage system, one will be forced to purchase those little necessities at the destination point, or live with bad breath.

This will be a boon, of course, to those companies who produce minitubes of toothpaste and shaving gel and sunscreen. It could even start a mini-Industry. But at the same time those Duty-free shops who want you to purchase their wines are in deep shit. They'd better start making way for personal hygiene items pronto.

After a certain point the absurdity of the universal bans, especially for prescription drugs (how do pills apply, anyway?), will create a resentment and the rules will be relaxed. In an odd way one can say the terrorists have succeeded, if not in destroying life than in making the lives of all Americans, as well as all other air travelers, that much more miserable. The Authorities do need to cover their asses on this one, at least as long as some of the plotters are still at large and could be trying to mix their acetone Molotov cocktails. But how far will the absurdity go, when every possible vector for explosives gets exposed. Right now we have no more liquids, no more laptops--and why do they allow cell phones, which can be used to ignite explosives, as on the London buses? But what if someone finds a way to secrete nitro on, say, a belt? Will we get to the point when people will not be allowed to wear clothing on a plane. Hey wait--that could be fun.

On the other hand I won't miss watching so many people try to force so many overstuffed carry-ons into the overhead bins. And I do get a kick from standing by baggage carousels; they are intrinsically comic to me. I will just have to spend more time there than ever. Aty least I don;t have to face the profound and bewildering disappointment of the assigned "martyrs" who were supposed to go down with the airships. Now they have neither virgins, holiness, or freedom. But perhaps the British will be kind, and send them to Guantanamo.