Light in August

Gee, everything does seemed to have slowed down to a crawl this time of year, except of course the Los Angeles traffic, which never sped up. Perhaps that will lighten a bit too, as more of us opt for rapid transit. Meanwhile, coincidentally, the top Times headline on this slow news day is the increasing cost of gasoline. I actually saw the first $3 gas signs this week. It will only get worse, we are warned. Perhaps the astronomical rates will give SUV buyers second thoughts. Of course most SUV buyers don't even have first thoughts.

This is, globally, a time of sapped strength and vacations. If it's not the dire heat in the northern hemisphere, it's the harsh equivalent of February down south, where the penguins (according to that very popular nature film) are all clustering together to keep their hatchlings warm. So they're not working either. President Bush is taking a month-long vacation. This somewhat brings to mind Dorothy Parker's famous quote when she heard that Calvin Coolidge had died--"How can they tell?" Not quite precise in this case, for Bush is hardly a do-nothing President. Know-nothing, certainly. Maybe he can take a summer course in Evolutionary theory.

What is it about this time of year that slows us down inertially? Hard to say, but it seems a universal experience. The Dog Days are upon us (referring not to the Superior Species, but to the Dog Star, whichever one that is). Even I've found my springtime fascinations losing their lustre around now. This especially applies to my baseball fixation. Two-thirds into the season, some ennui is beginning to set in. This coincides with a lapse in the fortunes of my Rotisserie team, the Bronx Cheers, who have fallen into second place to a worthy opponent named "Elvis." Jesus is still behind us, but I'm considering recalling the "Beatles" title to help us climb back on top. Problem is, that's about all the work I care to do in that arena. My eyes now grow bleary after four months of staring at minute-by-minute scoring details, not to mention daily roster transactions. But unless we can pick up the pace (or better yet, have our slumping hitters reenergize), I will not receive that big cash prize at the end of the year.

Cash prizes are not likely either for the pathetic New York Yankees, who are slowly sinking in the East. But why should they care, as the roster metes out its $200 million in basic salary, even before the endorsement bucks come in? But there will be no postseason glory for the Bombers this year. Despite a healthy and productive lineup, their pitching problems intensify every week. Now Pavano is out for the season, as is probably Chien Ming Wang, thankfully Kevin Brown, and hopefully Jaret Wright. Even Randy Johnson is aching (surprise, surprise), and missing his turn. God, the Yankee's budget has been so wastefully inefficient this year you'd think it was conceived by the Pentagon. They are reduced to starting AAA veterans like Aaron Small, oldsters like Al Leiter and a Colorado emigre, Shawn Chacon. Ironically, the subs have pitched gamely, but then the long relievers have pooped out. (Memo to the Yankees--stop picking up old Red Sox pitchers like Gordon and Embree. They are moles, released intentionally by Theo Epstein in order to undermine the Yankee's success). I'm afraid the Yanks' outlook is not encouraging, since they can't win this year, nor can they trade off some of their overpriced players for promising young pitchers, which is their direst need.

So the Red Sox, with sufficient team spirit despite Manny's obtuseness, should coast to a division title and a chance to defend their championship, which is as it should be. Oddly, the last three World Series champs didn't even qualify for October play in their subsequent season. The Cardinals are setting up, with tighter pitching, for a World Series rematch that could be quite entertaining. The White Sox and Braves, both playing excellently in the clutch, will advance. This leaves the questions in the West. The A's have recovered miraculously, thanks to the inspired play of Billy Beane's newest recruits. We'll see if they have peaked too early. Also repeating last year's second half surge are the Astros, whose pitching threesome of Oswalt, Clemens and a healthy Pettitte (ick, two ex-Yanks) should make them a significant play-off threat. As for the NL west, the worst division in the history of divisional play, the Padres still have a slight advantage, but don't merit much attention.

Sadly, my pennant bet, the Nationals, have played more like their progenitor Expos since July, and don't look like they have the talent or durability to compete into October. Likewise the Orioles, the first-haf wonders, are in the midst of a free fall. And what of the Dodgers, who started the season at 12-2? They are now 13 games under .500 and their only distinction is having four players named Jason in the line-up at the same time (Phillips, Grabowski, Werth, and Repko). We'll know the season is over when they add Jason Bere to their rotation.

And what of Raphael Palmeiro and his steroid problem? More ink has been spilled on this than on the Iraqi war, and frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. I just wonder if steroids are contraindicated for Viagra?