No News Is Good News

What does "news" mean, anyway? I once read that the word was supposed to be an acronym of "north/east/west/south," which is fanciful; more likely it's derived from "new events" or something like that. In any case it's supposed to be an account of some occurrence that changes the landscape, even in the slightest way. The major news stories of a given year should not be totally predictable, unless, of course, they are already scheduled, like election campaigns and such.

But this year we have an event that is certain to dominate the news media from the tabloids to the front pages of our dailies, and that is the Michael Jackson child-molestation trial. Barring a terrorist attack in America or a political assassination, this trial is certain to use up more print and air time than any other event this year. As for my blog, this will be the only time I will mention it, because it's of interest to me only in what it says about the cult of celebrity in our society.

I suppose in his indelicate combination of celebrity and eccentricity Jackson could be of some interest to psychologists, paparazzi and pop music afficionadoes, but not to me. The very mention of his name produces a kind of temporary stupor in my brain. I'm reminded for some reason of Ralph Leibowitz, who used to play piano during my meals at summer camp when I was a kid. He had a few favorites, but specialized in "Moon River." "Moon River" is a nice song but after hearing it three times a day for two months during bad meals, I developed a knee-jerk aversion to it. So it has been with Michael Jackson and his personal shenanigans. "Thriller" was a creative album, and the moonwalk is amusing, but Jackson's sociopathy, however deeply disturbed it is, has been so endlessly discussed that the word "overexposure" barely suffices.

If yesterday's news is any indication, this is going to be difficult to endure. The trial is only in its jury-selection phase and already we are getting details of why "Juror 81" could not make it for the full trial, or "Juror 135" is 86 years old. TMI! Too much information! We have also been told of the potential witness list for the defense, which seems to contain the name of every celebrity alive, apparently for character support. No, I guess neither Jay Leno nor Elizabeth Taylor had ever seen Jackson tickle a ten-year-old (though maybe Corey Feldman has). And we are going to hear them say so, it appears, for several months, in a parade of "People" covers come-to-life. Goody.

Unlike other recent developments, like the Brad/Jen break-up and the Christo "Gates" art project, the Michael Jackson trial has absolutely no good angle. If he's guilty, a man's life is in ruins, and all association with him is as distasteful as having a connection with O.J. Simpson. If he's innocent, then it's an indictment of the venality and gross dishonesty of ungrateful families whom Jackson offered to help. In either case, we are going to hear disreputable details, true or not, ad nauseum. High ick factor, and you know what? I have better things to listen to, including buzz saws, leaf blowers, and William Hung's rendition of "Feelings."

I will speculate in advance that, given the "he said/he said" nature of the testimony, enough doubt will be shed that Jackson will be acquitted. I think a jury will have difficulty reconciling his mammoth fame and ingenuous character with the criminal activity of which he's accused--just as was the case with O.J. (For the record, I think Robert Blake will be convicted, since his star has declined so markedly since "Baretta" was put to sleep). But will I pay attention, or care the least iota? Of course not.

But perhaps I was hasty in observing no good side to this phenomenon. If indeed a celebrity trial is dominating the news, it will mean that otherwise the world is tranquil, as it was in the late 1990s when another sleaze-fest, the Clinton Impeachment affair, masked the fact that the nation was enjoying its most prosperous era ever. But that won't make Jackson's impeachment any more palatable to watch. I'm just glad the baseball season will be underway.